Finding MY Path...

'Do not follow where the path may lead. Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.' - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Sometimes I sit around and question things and wonder why I stayed home on a Saturday night listening to my old church sermons when I was getting text messages and phone calls from all my friends asking where I was and if I was coming out... I didn't answer. I stayed curled up in my bed listening to Ron talk about God... Talk about something I don't understand. Something I question ALL of the time...

I've grown up in a christian family and always 'believed' in God.. BUT, I also questioned it VERY oftened... like if there is a 'God' why is there so many problems within the world... and why do such horrible things happen to people... however, i've started to understand things more clearly these past couple of days...

I understand why I stayed home Saturday night... I was supposed to listen to Ron's Sermon with Miss. Arizona and her talking about her rape... and how she grew closer to God because of it... Now, if I would've been her I probably would've grown further away from God... but she knew that God only gives you things that you can handle... and it created her testimony... God gives you tests... why does he do that? why would God want to see someone go through such PAIN just to see if they can handle it? that is something I don't understand... But I do understand no matter what he is ALWAYS with you... all you have to do is ask..

I'm ready. I'm finally letting go of my walls to God and understanding that he is there and I need him in my life. Sure, I've always had him in my life.. but it wasn't until now that I truly understand that I have a path in life and God has this for me I just have to set up and allow him in to help me find this path in life... and well, I'm finally letting myself go and giving myself to him...

The best relationship in life is the relationship you create with God... why? because he is everything you want in life.. he will give you everything you want and need... love, trust and honesty....

I'm turning my life around right here and right now.. I was talking to Jess last night about all of this and decided that sure Levi keeps presenting himself in my life.. somehow... and yeah I don't like it.. but, I just have to hold on to God and allow him into my life because Levi is part of my past and not my future.. because if Levi was I wouldnt be where I am today AND I wouldn't be developing this amazing relationship with myself and God...

This is why I'm here. thisis why I'm in Australia... I'm finally understanding my life and why I'm here... I don't know my path at all yet... but that is all forming right now.. and I'm just going to start praying more about my life path and where I'm supposed to be going and what I'm supposed to be doing...

Well, I'm off to bed.

just know that I love you and miss you all.

always,

dayyyy