More to come...

This is going to be a short but sweet post... I keep saying to myself.. 'you need to go and write a post...' and well that's as far as I get... a single thought in my head.. so I'm gonna try and start writing at least once a week... (TRY being the key word...) Since I am back in Australia and my life is changing...

First of all...

there won't be any pictures because my computer just took about 10 minutes to upload NOTHING... grr! Maybe I'll get it straighten out later because I really want to be able to post updating pictures...

Well... now this post is just going to be boring because I have nothing to post.. maybe later.

for now, goodnight...

xoxo

Don't forget - I love you...

Sometimes I burst into tears. not sad tears but happy tears. tears of joy. i sometimes just cry because i'm so in love with a man that truly cares and wow. sometimes i worry about the small things. why? sometimes i think about things far too long and far too deep. learning about someones death can do a lot to a person. especially when you had lost touch with that friend. people really don't understand that tomorrow isn't promised. and i know i am one of those people. I live like tomorrow will be here. even though today could be my last. i know you should never go to bed angry. but I also need to start to not worry about the little things. so much. i have the most amazing husband a girl could ever ask for. i am beyond lucky. i have a husband that loves me for me, in the morning, afternoon and even in the night. he knows me as me, and yet he still loves me. he puts up with my crazy moods. and tears. and everything about my life. i am madly in love with him. he supports me. i support him. i love him in the morning, afternoon, and during the night.. he truly completes me and i know i found my soul mate. him and i have some amazing similarities between us. which sometimes freak me out. but i know its a good thing. so all in all, pick up the phone, call your friend and tell them you love them. don't wait til tomorrow. cuz you might not be able to pick up that phone and call them. so just do it. don't hold grudges they just aren't worth it. don't hold onto the pity stuff. i know Neil knows I love him but i will forever tell him just because i know i love to hear it and feel it.

Being pushed out of someones life hurts. especially when you care about them. but, you know the saying, 'if you love someone, let them go, if they come back - it was meant to be' I guess it just really hurts me when I have to sit back and see my friends life through facebook because she has a different life than me... yet at one point her and i were 'bff's' that hurts... but, I will give her the space she needs... and I will continue to love her the same...

To all my friends and family - remember I love you and I always will...

xoxo

My better other half...

whats on my mind today?.. i'll give you one guess... yep Neil :) I know such a hard question hey!?

Well, today I'm writing a random blog... haha! when do I not write a random blog!? lol

I can remember when I was a little girl I would dream about who I would spend the rest of my life with.. I always pictured him as a tall dark and handsome man (i know so unique..) i was like 5 years old..give me a break ;) lol.. and well...

In my later years of life, after countless number of doughbag bfs I started to doubt I'd ever get married...or I'd get married at a young age... The day before I left for Australia I went out to Lunch with my dad and I asked him 'Dad do you think I'll ever get married?' - and he said, 'yes but not til your at least 31...or 32.... you still have to much of an adventure life ahead of you...' oh little did he know... that little adventure life of me found the man I married...

Also before I left I had a couple people say, 'Watch you'll go over to Australia fall in love and never come home...' well that kinda sorta happened... I did fall in love... and well part me is still in Australia... so they were a little right...

I didn't think I'd get married but I knew I deserved an amazing man.. he just hadn't been presented in my life yet... during my travels of Australia I thought hmm I wonder if I'll find my one true love here... and well I lost that thought after awhile... and then I moved to Springsure and thought... guess I'm going home single everyone was so wrong.. lol and well little did I know...

boom Neil... boom love... boom happy... boom i'm married!

Sure, I didn't picture it like that... but would I change anything!? nope... I've never been happier in my life... Neil is definitely my other half... or should I say.. 'better half'... he completes me more than I like to say at times.. so being away from him kills me...

When I drive I listen to country music and well EVERY love song on there reminds me of Neil.. seriously its like even though Neil is on the other side of the world he is still part of my daily thoughts in more ways than one...

When I talk about him.. I go on and on cause he's everything to me.... He is the answer to my prayers... he's the voice I want to hear... everyday that passes I only love him more...he is everything i ever wanted...

This song is by Carrie Underwood and when i heard it I was like whoa.. that is my new fav song for new... he'll probably understand why it suits him so well....

"Inside Your Heaven"

I've been down
Now I'm blessed
I felt a revelation coming around
I guess its right, it's so amazing
Everytime I see you I'm alive
You're all I've got
You lift me up
The sun and the moonlight
All my dreams are in your eyes

I wanna be inside your heaven
Take me to the place you cry from
Where the storm blows your way
I wanna be the earth that holds you
Every bit of air you're breathin' in
A soothin' wind
I wanna be inside your heaven

When we touch, when we love
The stars light up
The wrong becomes undone
Naturally, my soul surrenders
The sun and the moonlight
All my dreams are in your eyes

And I wanna be inside your heaven
Take me to the place you cry from
Where the storm blows you away
And I wanna be the earth that holds you
Every bit of air you're breathing in
A soothing wind
I wanna be inside your heaven

When minutes turn to days and years
If mountains fall, I'll still be here
Holdin you until the day I die
And I wanna be inside your heaven
Take me to the place you cry from
Where the storm blows you away

I wanna be inside your heaven
Take me to the place you cry from
Where the storm blows you away
I wanna be the earth that holds you
Every bit of air you're breathin' in
A soothin' wind
I wanna be inside your heaven
Oh yes I do
I wanna be inside your heaven

Another song by Carrie is 'Some Hearts' and well when I heard this song I couldn't stop thinking about Neil... it fits me beyond fits me... perfect song for me and my heart..

I've never been the kind that you'd call lucky
Always stumblin' around in circles
But I must have stumbled into something
Look at me
Am I really alone with you?
I wake up feeling like my life's worth living
Can't recall when I last felt that way
Guess it must be all this love you're giving
Never knew never knew it could be like this
But I guess

Some hearts
They just get all the right breaks
Some hearts have the stars on their side
Some hearts,
They just have it so easy
Some hearts just get lucky sometimes
Some hearts just get lucky, lucky sometimes

Now who'd have thought someone like you could love me
You're the last thing my heart expected
Who'd have thought I'd ever find somebody
Someone who someone who makes me feel like this
Well I guess

Some hearts
They just get all the right breaks
Some hearts have the stars on their side, yes
Some hearts,
They just have it so easy
Some hearts just get lucky sometimes
Some hearts just get lucky sometimes
Ohhhhhh

Even hearts like mine
Get lucky, lucky sometimes

Even hearts like mine
Ohhhhhhhh

Some hearts,
They just get all the right breaks
Some hearts have the stars on their side
Some hearts,
They just have it so easy
Some hearts just get lucky sometimes

Some hearts
They just get all the right breaks
Some hearts have the stars on their side, yes
Some hearts,
They just have it so easy
Some hearts just get lucky sometimes
Some hearts just get lucky sometimes

Wishing he was here... or I was there....

I've always been a girl to make wishes but never had I wished so much in my life until now.. I wish I didn't have to be so far away from the one I love... I never thought I'd live on the other side of the world from my HUSBAND!!!

At night I lay in bed and just think.. this sucks... I hate it... I hate not being able to look at him eye to eye and say, 'I love you...' I know this time apart is truly sucky.. BUT it's only for the next couple weeks... and I'm praying after our case manager gets my police checks I get granted my visa and I can fly home with Neil when he comes here for the holidays!!!

I can't believe I've been home for 2 and half weeks... it feels weird to be home.. its almost like I don't belong here anymore.. weird how you can 'grow apart' from your house and life you had for over 22 years... just weird... and very true... especially when your life path changes and becomes beyond amazing...

Yesterday was Neil's and mines 6 month anniversity :) feels like so much longer!! When I talk to him I sometime have to stop and just think about everything he is saying because he always makes me feel like the most special girl alive and well... he just makes me think about how lucky I am to have him in my life...its almost like i have to pinch myself just to see if I'm awake or dreaming..

I was talking to him the other day and I was just telling him how I never knew there was a love like this possible... I know I had always dreamed and wished for love... but to actually live and feel it!? wow its beyond amazing and I feel beyond lucky...

I could talk about Neil for hours and hours... yet right now I'll spare you... ;) and just know I'm beyond happy and feel like the luckiest girl alive.. I won't be boastful about it because thats not what love is about... I believe that actions speak louder than words...

Sometimes I'm still that girl that worries over little things that I know deep down don't matter.. but with him... its different..

Sometimes I look up at the sky at night and thank all my lucky stars :)

I'm beyond thankful for the last 6 months of my life and can't wait for the rest of it!!! Especially with the hubby... I will try my best to update you on my life and such... but no promises!

Just cross your fingers and pray to baby Jesus for us that I get the visa granted in Nov... and able to fly home with Neil in January... Thanks!!!

love always.

xoxo

dayyyyy

Home is where your heart is...

WOW... it's been almost 7 months since I posted on here last... where do I even start!?

Jan - Last month at Starbucks -- Traveled to Sydney with Jessica's parents

Feb- Spent this month in Melbourne and Adelaide -- fun fun... went to Wicked in Melbourne -- did heaps of walking this month - got sandle tans on our feet

March- Flew to Perth -- Met up with old brisbane roomie Andy -- oh march - started on a campervan from Perth to Caravon(sp?) and well ended up taking a bus back to perth because jess and I weren't getting along with Andy... so then we flew back to Brisband stayed with our dear friend Rohan -- signed up for a training farm class -- during that we fell off some horses... Jess was the smart one went to the hospital -- I just thought I was in shock so I didn't go -- I started a job 5 days later yet was still in intense pain -- so I only stayed at the 'Slave ranch' for 8 days... which was 8 days too long... lol and then went and stayed with a Friend from Brisbane parents in Brandon Australia... which was about 3 hours away from my slave ranch.. I went and finally went to the doctors - I had 'soft tissue damage' ie why I wasn't getting better because I wasn't resting it... so I took about 10 days off to rest and finally at by the middle of april (yeah I need to skip up to april now..)

April- I found a job in Springsure, Australia about 305kms inland from Rockhamton -- its in Queensland - Small little town working at a small little pub -- it was amazing - I loved it - mainly because this is where I Met the most amazing guy - Someone I can finally say 'I love you' to and mean it with every ounce of my being - he completes me. the story goes --- I had been working for only 2 days -- so I didn't really know anyone yet -- and well these two guys came into the bar during the day -- we'll just call them... 'Geoff and Justin' and well they were bugging me and such.. and then they were asking what I was doing when I got off work.. and I was like I don't know probably going to bed.. because I was still catching up on my sleep from my 14 hour bus ride.. and they were just like awhh come out! there was one other bar there.. it is the 'QA' (Queens Arm) and well... after they left they called asking if I was coming down there.. I said I didn't know maybe.. and then they came back to my bar... and well then they waited for me to finish work.. they 'really wanted me' to come down to the bottom bar.. and well... yep.. I decided to finally go down there... and well long story short this is where Neil had been dragged too as well by his friends... and well one of my local customers went around to everyone with me so I could meet everyone.. and well Neil was one of those peoples and later on in the night he remembered that I was from Arizona and well we just started to talk.. and I believe I told him right away I hated him because I knew he was going to take my heart.. and well he did... and still has it..

May- Last month of work - Springsure, Emerald, and Cairns -- amazing month -- this would be the month I fell in love with Neil -- this would be the month I realized I was going to spend the rest of my life with this boy... and I was beyond happy with that... I met his mom, dad, and grandparents... and it was amazing - I asked him if I could keep his mom - she was the nicest and sweetest lady :) I am going to be blessed with two amazing moms!! yay!

June- oh the month Neil proposed to me! we went to dinner in Emerald - very nice - he pulled out the ring -- it was only supposed to be a 'promise' ring.. yet as the night went on.. the 'promise ring' turned into a 'promise to be an engagement ring' next time he saw me... he did go down on one knee and ask me to be his wife... I of course said 'yes please'... and basically thats where our lifes began.... The month of hello's and goodbye's... Had to say goodbye (aka see you soon as my mom would say...) to Neil... and my starbucks people... sad day -- went to New Zealand for a week - flew home surprised Mom and Dad then flew to Mississippi and surprised Casey and Kiefer! then came back home to finally just rest... (Also got a tattoo this month in Gold Coast -- three little stars on my foot - Mom, Casey and Jamie = my guiding stars)

July- what a month... this will be a month to remember for the rest of my life.. the month I decided to sign my life away... the month I changed my name from Randall to Tonkin... yep its true...

More to come at a later time.. hopefully sooner than later hey!?

Final Post being 22 years old..

I have 1 hour and 40 mins left being 22years old... I haven't posted anything on here in awhile and felt it was due time... especially with it being Christmas and all...

First of all, I have the bestest of best friend. Jessica Rene is truly a God sent to me and I don't even know where to start... I have never had a friend like Jess before and honestly couldn't ask for anything more in a friend. I can't wait for our future together and see where this path God has planned for us leads as currently its amazing...

A life without love is no life at all.

Sure I don't have a boyfriend -- nor do I even have a boy in my life -- But I do realized the importance of being loved and loving through experience...

In the last year I have learned A LOT about myself -

I learned who truly needs to be first in your life - God -

Sure, I have ALWAYS had him in my life but at times I have put him on the back burner and well I have learned from that.. Take Levi for example...

Probably one of my hardest life lessons yet something I could've gotten through easy with God... I was placing Levi first in my life and well I didn't have God in my life and when Levi and I broke up who did I turn to? Not God... I turned to others to fill that missing place in my heart.. yet they never helped and I only got more hurt.. and nothing was replacing the feeling of what truly was missing...

It wasn't until about 2 months ago when I finally saw the light and saw exactly what I need in life - Baby Jesus!!

I have gone through heaps of mind thinking about Levi and such because we had such a horrible ending and we never really had a goodbye and well its weird for me having someone out there with not even knowing everything and well I know now all is forgiven - I don't have to talk to him to tell him - because it is in my heart that I forgive him - Life can go on -

The most important things is life are the lessons that God gives us - He will only give us what we can handle - but it is up to us how we handle them...

I don't know what I want to do with my life but I know I want to help others

I love water
I love swimming
I love gymnastics
I love walking
I love wondering
I love getting dressed up
I love rings
I love horses
I love birds
I love tattoos
I love cooking
I love baking
I love cookies
I love peanut butter
I love love.
I love pretending I know how to sing
I love the name day
I love driving fast.
I love bracelets that Jessica gives me
I love the color blue/green/pink mixed together
I wish I knew French
I wish I could fly
I wish mossies couldn't bite
I wish Jessica and I had our own place
I wish my mom was here for my birthday
I wish I had the guts to cut my hair
I Hope for world peace

I know I have a purpose in this life and currently I am searching for this purpose in my life

I maybe turning 23 BUT I know time goes by because I still rememeber my 10th birthday like it was 5 years ago... lol I know I only have this short time on Earth and want to live it to fullest

I don't know when I'll be coming home or even where I'll be going in the next couple of months - I have my Church currently praying for hardcore guidance for Jess and I as I know there is something out there 0 BUT I don't what...

Remember Faith, Hope and Love

I love you all heaps! and I truly hold you all dear to my heart

Thank you for everything

Mom- Thank you for everything in the last 23 years you have shown me so much and I am so proud to call you my mother -I wish you were here more than anything - but know this mom - Jessica is taking care of me - so you have nothing to worry about!!

Jamie- the best sister a sister could ask for - Thank you for always being there for me -

Casey - I love you more and more - honestly you make me so happy - you know what it feels like to be away from home and well thank you for making me feel at home - and thank you so much for making me feel a part of Kiefers life... even though I am thousand miles away... that honestly means a lot to me...

Jessica - Husband - If I could find a boy like you I'd never have to complain about another boy again - nor would I have to claim of being a lesbain again.. I don't know what I'd do without you - I know when I get off my path you are there holding my hand guilding me back.. I can't even explain to you what you mean to me - as I love you more than I can ever express - the last 6 months have truly shown me there is such a thing as a 'best friend' - thank you... (It is not finished...)

At night when I lay in bed - I often think about what I want in my life and the one thing I want is someone I can trust, love and expericnce life with.. I don't want to feel like everything I say is being judged or that I can't be myself.. I want to know that they can trust me 100% of the time and I want to be able to trust them 100% of the time.. I know I've been hurt in the past but thats the past and I know the future will only bring good times...

I only have 50 mins left until I turn 23 and I know the last year I have grown more than the last 22 years... This has been the hardest past 6 months of my life - BUT I know in the end I am only learning and being put through tests and God is seeing if I can doit alone or if I will actually turn to Him and ask...

I want everyone to rememeber the meaning behind Christmas - Baby Jesus's birthday!!!!

yay! I want to wish Him a Happy Birthday right now!!! and wish everyone a Merry Christmas!!!

I love you all!

XOXO

dayyyyyyyyyy

Things I want to do before I turn 50:

1. See the Grand Canyon
2. TBA

Finally its making sense...

I'm starting to actually understand things better. Jess and I finally found a Church this past Sunday to call 'home' and that is exactly what it felt like when I walked in... I turned to Jess and was like Jess I feel like I'm at home... I like it here... the feeling was amazing and it just felt right. Its been something I've been missing in my life. I knew I wanted to find a Church but with Jess always working on Sundays and never really exploring towards the church scene alone... I didn't know how to actually find one...until Luke came into Jess and mines life... it was about a month ago when I was working a night at Starbucks and Jessica came in when she got off work.. and well this boy came up to the register and was like how are you? and I was like fine.. and then I was like actually truthfully my foot is killing me bc a mosquito bite me and its hardcore itching and I can't itch it because I'm working... and he was just like whoa... lol and then we started to talk and then I left to make some coffee and he started to talk to Jess and well Long story short they exchanged phone numbers because he told her about his church... and jess told him that we were looking for a church... and well Sunday night we finally made it there!!!

I've gone to many churches in my life and well last night I felt like where I was, was exactly where I needed to be in my life... its kinda strange to take a moment and just be like whoa this is exactly where I'm supposed to be in my life... sure sometimes I question things and ask tons of questions (poor Jessica...) and well when I finally just open my eyes and see that this is where I'm supposed to be, what a great feeling... and well its all starting to come together.. last night Jess and I met some really great people and we ended up hanging out with the group after Church at the Coffee Club and it was fun... we actually had friends outside of Starbucks and it felt beyond right.

I have questioned life and faith a lot.. and I still do... I ask Jessica questions daily about God/Jesus and why (I'm sure she sometimes just wishes I'd just understand and stop asking questions...)

Last night though the message was perfect.. it was just about living life and being happy with where you are RIGHT NOW... because God has a plan for you and you just have to give yourself to him to allow him to strength you to where you are supposed to be...

After Church Jess and I went up the Pastor to say Hello and he talked to us for a little bit and well he was like he has churches all across Australia so where ever we go we'll have a place to call home... and he asked us how long we'd be in Brisbane and we said Febuary and he said okay by then you'll be family so I'll be sure to take care of you... He was a very sweet and funny Old man.. I liked him...

The youth Pastor - Grant - he was orignally from Georgia and moved to China and then Canada and then Australia... he was beyond amazing lol he thought Jess and I were 17-18... ahah we were like umm 22 thank you... I told him I want to get involved within the church as much as possible.. he said wonderful! I don't know exactly what my calling is to do I know its something to do with Children... and well I'd love to get into Church more because the faith behind life is what matters the most... I want to find that love that is forever and I believe through Christ its possible... its something I haven't found because I haven't been looking in the right places...

I'm starting to look at the future and not the past because the future is what matters... not the past... hard to do.. but the feeling behind it isn't...

Letting go of imperfections - no one is perfect - holding on to a couple of pounds or wishing I had something I don't isn't something that will matter in 20 years or even in one year but feeling happiness is something that will last a lifetime - I wanna be happy and that is what I'm starting to do... I'm starting to finally just let go.. and be happy...

finding myself...

thats something I talk to Jess about ALL of the time... I want to find exactly what I'm supposed to do with my life.. and I believe in the next couple of months I'll finally be able to say exactly who I am and what I'm doing with my life.. I'm finally going to be able to JUST be me!!!

starbucks is there... and there is 11 weeks left... crazy if you ask me... don't know what we're doing afterwards.. we'll see... Just do me a favour and pray for us bc we really want to do something BUT i've been scared to call sooooooo tomorrow I shall call...

I'm off to bed because I have work tomorrow of Course! Yay Halloween is this upcoming weekend!!!! going to the gold coast!!! should be fun!!!

xoxo

dayyyyy

cheers!