Controlling Thoughts..

I'm trying to understand a lot right now.. and currently my mind is all over the place and all I want to do is curl up in a ball and cry. BUT, I'm not going to because well thats just not me. I have things going through my head right now about life and questions of my past and of my future. I have to face some things and some things I'd rather not face. I am becoming stronger but it isn't easy. I am becoming more open, but that isn't easy. I'm becoming me and that isn't easy. I find myself fighting not only with myself but with my best friend because of these reasons and I wish I didn't have to but sometimes thats just life and you have to dance with the music that is given to you. and well, I'm trying to dance even though it isn't easy. This probably isn't making much sense because well I have a lot going on and I'm trying to just write it out and not go to sleep with so much on my mind.

Today I worked from 8am-5:30pm at Starbucks... That was open to close at my store... and it wasn't too much fun. BUT it wasn't too bad either. I have started a new goal or moreso new challenge for myself that I will complete a coffee tasting everytime I work.. why you may ask? well I've worked at Starbucks for 3 years and I have yet to complete a coffee passport.. so I have made this my goal and I brought it up to my manager that I want everyone in my store to become more knowlegdable about coffee as well... so i am starting a contest at my store for my partners to complete their passports and I am making up a posterboard with all my partners names and the different coffees... its going to be fun and exciting! My manager told me today that he really likes my passion.. I told him I don't want to lose it!!! so I will do my best to stay with it!!! lol...

well, I have to work early tomorrow morning so I best be going to bed! soooooo.. goodnight and hopefully my life will all come together and I won't have just 'gulit' as I do right now.. wait guilt isn't the right word.. i won't have all this worry i have right now... and don't ask me what worry because I really can't explain it.. but just pray that it comes about all good... and holla! :) lol

LOVE YOU ALL HEAPS! - Especially Jamie Marie! - you are my shining star and I thank God for making you my sister - couldn't have a better sister.. thank you for everything you've ever done for me... you mean more to me than you think...

G'night

always and forever,

dayna elaine

p.s