Day 39... and counting....

Wow. Can you believe I've been away for 39days today? I can't believe I haven't seen Arizona in almost 40 days... thats pure craziness to me.. I decided I needed to write a blog tonight in more of a blog style... such as what is actually going on within my little world of australia and dayna.

I want to start writing more so I can look back and see exactly what I was going through and exactly how I felt during the trip...

I started this trip out not really knowing what to expect just knowing that I was ready to start anew. I knew that I was done living in Arizona and ready for something new. I guess you can say a lot happened in such a short time.. I graduated college and the next thing I knew I was on a plane going to a different country to start a new life... on my own...

I have learned that being in a different country allows myself to see myself differently... I have learned a lot about myself and learning something new everyday. I have decided that no matter where I am in the world my family holds a special place in my heart. My sister has a baby while I've been away and honestly before I left I didn't really care, sure she had a baby in her stomach but that is all.. but now, i look at pictures and cry wishing I could be there to hold him and kiss him and let him know that I love him... even though I am not there I know I will be in a year or so... but I just wish I could actually be there to see him... I want to see him smile and scream and do all the baby things... I know that even though I am here I'm still going to spoil him.. as soon as I can afford too...
My other sister Jamie is also someone I miss deeply and being away from her is weird because she knows everything about me and not talking to her daily is beyond weird to me because sometimes I wish I could just pick up the phone and call her and tell her OMG guess what happened to me today... but I know she's probably sleeping or she'd be like omg cookie why r u calling me???
My mother... the woman that brought me into this world and someone I know I could trust with anything and everything... when I decided to go on this trip the ONE person I didn't want to say goodbye to was... my mother... I know I can say the line of my mom is my best friend... which is true but my mother is more than that.. she is more than just a friend and mother she is the one that was there for me throughout everything in my life the ups and the downs.. (and yet again I know thats what a mother is 'supposed' to do... but I know mothers out there that don't even know half the things their children go through...) when my heart was broken by stupid boyfriends... who was there?... my mother... when all I wanted to do was jump off a mountain my mom said... ill drive you... lol ;) (jk...) i didn't want to say goodbye to her because I was scared of how my life was going to be without her... sure sure I'm 22 years old so i have to live my life without her always by my side.. but its more of a who was I going to call when I was driving home... or who was I going to bring home coffee for when I got off of work at starbuck... or who would be there for me when a stupid boyfriend breaks my heart?... not only that who was going to be there for her? who would she call or who would bring her coffee? lol... I know its just small things but its the small things that make my life...
I am learning in the last couple of weeks that my mom is still there even if its thousands of miles away.. I know I can call her anytime or any place and she's there... (even if she yells at me for calling her... tee hee...) I am still able to communicate to her in emails so thats nice.. sure I don't get to see her.. but I still get to update her on my life through pictures and if you know me I love taking pictures... a lot... I still bring coffee home... yet now its for my roommates and they are all surprised with me bring home the coffee... sure, I miss my mom loads and wish she was here.. but I know throughout it all that it is making me a much stronger person and allowing myself to grow into the woman I'm becoming...
I wonder how different I'll be in 11 months... I wonder how many people I'll still talk to when I go back 'home..' I wonder where I'll live.. I wonder if I will ever allow another boy into my life... I find myself with a wall up around my heart and when I boy comes around I see the wall getting higher instead of shorter.. I don't know why but I'm not ready... I'm not ready for someone to come into my life right now.. I'm not ready to make time for someone else within my heart... I know before I left everyone was saying... 'oh you are going to fall in love there and stay there forever...' well I guess you just don't know me... because well it takes me sometime to actually allow someone into my life... sure I'd LOVE to fall in LOVE... but when the time is right.. and right now. I'm just living MY life and understanding what I want in this life I have... I am that girl that believes in love don't get me wrong.. I believe that everyone has someone out there for them... sometimes they have many... and each person that comes into your life leads you closer to your person.
Running away... did I run away from all my 'problems'.. this is a question I get asked and honestly what problems did I have besides stupid boys in my life? (sorry if you are reading this..) but honestly the boys that were in my life were boys that didn't deserve to be in my life... and it took me to look at them from another country to see it clearly... I loved someone so deeply and only received pain from it and when I first started on this trip I decided that no matter what I wouldn't regret what I was doing... there are a couple of things I regret in my life and one of those things is never saying sorry... I always just push them behind me and 'move on' yet deep down they are still there and not going anywhere bc I have that hate towards them that I can't just say I'm sorry and actually have that closesure with them... maybe that is whats going on in my life right now.. I'm finally getting on with people that I haven't talked to in years and finally feeling like myself again... I am finally lifting the shadows of others from my life and becoming me... the girl that wants more out of her life and wants to be happy with herself yet is too scared of what someone might say or do.. but i know I shouldn't... I didn't run away.. I simply just started a new chapter of my life.. something that many can't say they ever did in their life because they were too scared to take that step.. I didn't just take that step I took that step and then jumped... I'm sure people would love to see me fall... however, you must not know me.. but, I'm the girl that will do something just to prove you wrong...
wow. this blog is ALL over the place... kinda explains my brain right now.. I'm all over the place.. I'm still trying to figure out where I am in this new place.. I know exactly what bus to take and where I work.. but I don't have a clue where the nearest doctors is or where the zoo is at... but i will... one of these days.. I keep thinking about places I want to take my mom when she comes to visit!!

All in all, right now I am still getting settled and still trying to find out who and where I am... but give me a couple of weeks.. and shoot, watch out world... dayna elaine has arrived... lol...

I want to walk outside and smile. I want to see the sky and see all the colors. I want to travel to as many places as possible, yet not go poor. I want to simply be happy...

Love love love and some more love... from aussie land..

always,

dayyyy

p.s. the weather is FREEZING right now... I am BEYOND cold and my jacket is like a summer jacket so it doesn't do me much good... but I guess its good because I just RUN to the bus stop instead of walk to it.. lol but its SOOOOOO cold...